In a band? Got a cell phone? AWWWW SHIT! That text feed is running your life isn’t it?
If you are not in a band, imagine that your fantasy football league is the thing you are most passionate about and it lasts for your whole life. Here’s a glimpse into our Pet Fangs band text…
There’s a feed that includes everyone in the band as well as our producer / engineer, Justin Tocket. It started innocently enough as a way to get everyone’s schedules lined up and get on the same page about general band business. Now it’s just a mess! It goes on all hours and details every inside joke we have.
If I decide to go in a grocery store for 20 minutes and leave my phone in the car, I’m at risk of missing like 30 texts. My brother Dave sometimes sends a screenshot of his iPhone that has a number like 43 on the text button and then he just types “fuckers.” But here’s the thing: no one leaves the conversation! I think we all have a co-dependency issue with the damn text feed. We’ve been writing and recording for months. We’re only now getting to the point where we are planning live shows. I recently joked that we aren’t a real band; we are a text feed who gets together to drink beer! (We do a lot more than drink beer, but it’s true, we do drink a lot of beer. Our band motto is Cerveza all day, sir.)
Anyway, my wife is starting to resent the band… can you guess why? The music? Nope, she loves it. The beer? Nope, she prefers wine but she can hang with the big boys at the bar. It’s because she’s starting to hear my goddam “noir” text tone in her dreams!
Did I mention the side texts? Good Lawd! Stuff like, “Hey, I just wanted to bounce over and see if anyone told Ben about the video?” “Yeah yeah, I told him,” and then right back over to the main one.
Speaking of Ben, he’s toured with some big artists and he confided in us that our group text pales in comparison. And guess what? The tours are over, but the texts are still going STRONG! Now, when I produce other bands, I ask in my contract to not be included in their group texts.
Then there’s the instagram group feed titled “Pet Fangs Inspo.” That one started with cool graphic design posts and album covers. Now it’s just insta models in bikinis!
Back to the text, though. Let’s talk about Jory our bass player. He’s on his computer a lot editing his photos and films so he texts from the MacBook, and FAST!! And in bursts of 2 to 3 word sentences. I’ve considered sending him a 1-word-at-a-time side text saying:
BRO!
FUCKING
CONSOLIDATE
YOUR
THOUGHTS
AND
SEND
ONE
SHORT
PARAGRAPH!!!
I love my band and I laughed and smiled as I wrote all this. I used to hate that damn feed and it gave me a lot of anxiety. Now, I’m not sure I could live without it. I would certainly miss it.
Written by Joe Stark of Pet Fangs.
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