I knew something wasn’t right. I was on the wrong plant. The wrong decade. The wrong body. The wrong mind. Everything was wrong. Everything. The universe outside was a stranger and the universe within me was slowly withering away and on the verge of dying. I hated everything around me. I hated what I did. I hated what I didn’t do. I woke up every morning feeling like the bastard child of the universe. I hated myself.
I remember my very first Kundalini Yoga class. It was at a park in Los Angeles. As we were laying in Shavasana at the end of the class, I opened my eyes and looked up towards heaven. I felt a pouring of love that I had never felt before. Something had shifted inside of me. I was reflecting love, so I felt a pouring of love right back. That day marked my journey of finding myself and finding self-love.
I had my very first kundalini awakening, or what I think is a kundalini awakening, last year. It was in kundalini class in the middle of a Kriya. I was floating. Somewhere in the universe. Without a body and without an identity. But I was still me. My consciousness was intact and so was my core essence. I just wasn’t weighed down by all the human baggage. I don’t know how long exactly I was “floating” but I opened my eyes and once again I knew something had shifted, yet again.
What I felt that day erased my fear of death. It erased my fear of a lot of things. Something in me had shifted. And things are still shifting. They shift every single day. They shift so much that I have to make time to keep up with myself. I’ve had to give up countless things like watching TV or myriad of other things that I so skillfully kept myself busy with, just so I have time to journal and meditate and just sit with my feelings doing absolutely nothing. But I would not trade this awakening for anything else. It’s helped me find myself. And most importantly, it has helped me find self-love.
I’m not being paid by Kundalini Inc. (joke) to write this article. Heck, I’m not even a Kundalini teacher. But if you happen to have a yoga studio nearby that offers this wonderful technique, go check it out. You won’t regret it.
I know everything is as it should be. I am on the right plant. The right decade. The right body. And, most importantly, the right mind. And this feeling of self-love beats chocolate, sex, caffeine and any drug you can name on this planet.
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